As I sit by the window this morning curled up in the comfy chair I find solace in the cool breeze that is drifting in; billows of air do not raise the curtains from their resting place but rather whisper against them softly. One lone solar lantern (hanging on the tree outside) is slowly dimming as the night sky passes and daylight whispers. It is in this moment I find it time to write, time to share again to break the quiet I chose to put into place this summer.
For the last 3 months I did something I felt was rather brave and much needed....I shuttered my blog and stepped back from social media. Saying it was freeing beyond words is not only an understatement but also fails to relay the feelings it produced within me. While I know there are many who have done this in the past - unplugged if you will, I have always been full of trepidation when it came to the idea of shuttering things for a while. The fear of being forgotten or becoming lost in the sea of remember her overwhelmed me at times; I became very good at convincing myself that if I took a real break I would become lost and only a memory. Opportunities would cease and I would stall, slowly I would come to a halt in the creative world.
After returning from teaching at the start of June I felt filled and renewed. My confidence was in place it was time to leap. The biggest challenge I battled internally was whether I should publically announce my break or just DO IT. I chose the latter - no one needed to hear me lament this choice (or read about it for that matter). I did not publically need to bow out for a bit, as my reasons for doing so were far deeper than I felt comfortable sharing. I can promise you I will share more of this but for now I am allowing myself to find my comfy place again, to re-establish my goals and honor the nature of creating and writing.
Making this decision was small compared to the things that go on in our world with those we know and those we do not. However, I can say without a doubt it was one of the BEST and BIGGEST things I have done in a while. There were no moments this summer of saying goodbye to the Not so Little Man and then succumbing to immense guilt has my plane took its place amongst the clouds. The alarm clock did not rattle me awake hours before the rest of the house had to rise, and perhaps the best thing of all we did what we wanted to do, we played, we hiked, and we talked, watched movies in the yard, ate when hungry and just had a good old-fashioned summer!
I found the fun me again, the one who has the ability to balance life and work, the one who loves to be outside exploring the world. The girl who found every moment to be an adventure is back and I have to say I could not be happier or more thrilled. Falling out for a bit was one of the best things I have done in a long time as I have landed back on my feet with joy in my heart and a renewed purpose.