We all experience moments in our life where we arrive at a crossroad. In these times we often take the simple path; the path that might seem a bit more approachable and steady. I have arrived at one of those moments - which way do I go? Do I stay the path I have been following for so long and worked so hard to be on or perhaps change things up a bit?
In this process of laying out my plan more than a bit of soul searching has begun. I have come to realize something, or perhaps admit is a better term. I am a perfectionist. While I have always been fine with this label I have never truly admitted to myself what it means. In reality I have always been a bit prideful in it, happy that I strive to make everything perfect.
I can honestly say I am scared to death to write the following words. In this process I am taking my protective coat off, opening my heart and sharing with you a few things that perfectionism creates within me in hopes that in some way this might help some of you that are sowing the same seeds.
-In my perfectionism I push myself to limits that are truly unattainable or so stressful that I do not enjoy the fruits of my labor
-When I do not create the perfect piece, write the perfect book or pen the perfect article I feel as though I have let down the entire world
-When I feel I do not appear put together in a perfect way (clothes, hair, makeup) I wish I could hide
-When the house is not perfectly clean I feel like the worst Wife/Mother in the world.
-If I am moving slower than the person next to me I am not moving fast enough (literally and figuratively)
-I allow criticism (of the non constructive variety) to affect me so deeply it can debilitate me
In sharing this with you I am giving myself permission to embrace the imperfections and cherish all of the simple moments. I am saying out loud that striving for perfectionism is in itself an oxymoron as it does not exist. I am committing myself to be true to me, nurture me and embrace the me that I am as it will make me a better wife and a better mother.
I am committed to living the words that I share with my husband, my son, my family, my students and my friends "there are no mistakes only opportunities". In so many ways I know working on this will allow me to be a better person and embrace the gifts in a new light that I have been given to share with others. However, above all I am sharing this in the hopes that perhaps you will give yourself permission to be a little less perfect than you believe you should be and embrace what is!